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Donna (bio to be read in Ja’maie King, Summer Heights High voice)
Heyyyyyy gurlllssss like my name is like totally Donatella but everybody calls me like Donna… ew… what everrrr and I’m totally imported from like that place where Audi cars are like made or what ever I think it’s called Germany or something I’m likkkkeeee top stuff you know. My daddy Don Crusdaor was like totally crowned champion at like some Hanoverian stallion licensing thingo so amazing is like in my blood or whatever. I was like totally a teen mom and my two kids totally take after me like its Cray Cray I totally only breed like champions. I still have my baby belly so like I’ve enlisted some new like personal trainers who are like trying to help me cut down on the no no’s but its like really hard because all I think about is food… food and like more food. Being like 9 I’m due for a mid life crisis about now and I think I’m going to buy a room service version of like that like food truck thingy that like totally comes around like twice a day because like that’s like totally not enough food for me... oh like wait…what was I like talking about again? I was daydreaming in slow motion the economix getting poured into my mouth as I like get fanned by my minion so yeah… I am a pretty good dressage horse like the judges always say I look hot but with like my glossy black coat and sparkly diamante brow band I totally look like so hot yeah.
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